Recently I took on a project at work that, in reality, I am fully capable of doing. For this project, I was asked to use a tool that I am not very familiar in a compressed timeline. I researched, drafted prototypes, and pulled together resources, but it felt like every time I was going to actually begin the project, a nagging sensation returned. There would be a feeling of panic that I would be outed as a fraud even though this project is mostly well within my wheelhouse. What came up for me was panic and fear that I would let down my colleagues who trust me to do good work.
Every time I sat down to start the project, along with those feelings, it seemed like there was external overstimulation as well. The noise from the trash trucks on the street, helicopters overhead, construction next door, and even the birds singing their springtime song felt amped up and loud. I felt like I could not focus, overwhelmed with big emotions and hovering self-doubt. My nervous system was overwhelmed and exhausted. It let me know that I needed to stop, slow down, and tone down.
So I locked myself in a small room in my house away from much of the noise and opened Budify, a lovely meditation app. Its interface is laid out as a wheel, and I selected “Stress and Difficult Emotion.” It then opens up to a wheel of specific meditations with the amount of time for each one. I selected “Names” which is four minutes in length.
I won’t pretend that I am an expert at meditating, but after my 40-day meditation challenge, I know that this practice makes a difference that is proven by research and that I have also now experienced in my own life. So now I know to go and seek out meditation in times of stress to help bring myself closer to neutral.
Time is funny, and when we are low on time, like in this instance with a compressed timeline for a project, it feels superfluous to stop and meditate. In my experience, though, time seems to expand when I stop and notice how I feel. Space is created in my mind as I remove some of the exhausting mental chatter. Taking the time to acknowledge these big emotions and meditate on them is a time saver in the long run.
The Meditation for Big Emotions:
Start with whatever you are feeling and give it a name: confusion, self-doubt, sadness, fear, anger, overwhelmed, tired, exhaustion, grief. Notice which word (or maybe a different word) feels right and then say it to yourself in your head or out loud. Repeat that word or words in your mind. If the word like for me in this instance is, self-doubt, say to yourself, “There is self-doubt. I am feeling self-doubt.”
The second part can feel rather odd, but it is saying hello to the feeling. “Hello, self-doubt. Hi, confusion.” Acknowledge the emotion and greet it as a friend, even if it is a friend you don’t enjoy hanging out with very much. This second step reduces fighting against the emotion, almost welcoming it rather than battling it. A sense of release seems to come over me (in this instance, with tears).
Giving a voice and a name to big emotions, in this case, self-doubt lets me return to the work that I know I can do with a little more freedom of thought, a little more clarity, and a sense of peace in my being.
Check out the Budify App. I don’t get anything for referring you except the hope that it will create a little more space in your mind.
May you too, find peace of mind during big emotions.
